You Are My Sunshine
by Heartless Effervescence
Summary: Suicide is stupid. Life is stupid. Everything is stupid. You die anyway. You live anyway. You enjoy everything anyway. Then you leave it all behind. The pain, the anguish, the heartbreak– that is all history. But once upon a time, in a land devoid of all this shit, there was a sunshine. She was yours, and you were hers.
1. Sunshine

_I will own Gakuen Alice when the universe and sunshine no longer exists. Let us hope that that will not be in the next several billion years. But we won't know until then._

_I do not own the song 'You Are My Sunshine'._

* * *

**_You are my sunshine._**

"Mikan?" A soft knock brings you back to reality, the usual flare in your friend's blue eyes faint. "You need to come out now. Everyone is waiting for you downstairs."

Downstairs.

Downstairs.

Downstairs. Where reality is.

Downstairs. Where everyone is.

Downstairs. Where the last farewell will be spoken.

They are going to send him away. Bid farewell to him, somewhere in a grove of cherry blossom trees. You will whisper goodbye to him, somewhere calm and quiet, secluded from the rest of the world.

You turn your head and stare forlornly at the wooden door. The door _he_ so lovingly pushed you up against. The door you found comfort behind.

The very door that now shut you away from the rest of this cruel world.

**_My only sunshine._**

You draw in a shaky breath and force your gaze out the window. Your eyes are shimmering as you fight to hold those tears in.

Your shoulders sag as footsteps faded down the hallway.

You exhale, gaze still trained outside. Below your window is that window that framed a thousand trees. Below your window is the display of a single, flowering, lone, cherry blossom tree. Beyond that window was your very own spot that you shared with him, and only _him_.

_It isn't his fault._

It's your fault for not trying hard enough.

It's your fault for allowing him to fall in love with another soul.

It's your fault that the cherry blossom tree the two of you shared is now abandoned.

**_You make me happy,_**

You force yourself to take a deep breath.

You can't hold the tears back anymore. They flow freely down your cheeks, as free as the love you once held close to you.

You long to see his rare smiles. Those smiles he only shares with you. The occasional smile that lit up both of your worlds, igniting a deep fire within.

You know that he will find you. Or you will find him.

His feelings are still out there. Waiting. Hidden. Thinking of you.

"Natsume." You whisper softly, the tears gathering under your chin.

**_When skies are gray._**

His alluring crimson eyes dance about your mind endlessly. Those unique eyes that you hold so close; those same eyes that are the cause of your anger, tears, and heartbreak. Those eyes that stare at you lovingly, tenderly, endearingly. His handsome smirk, taunting you and drawing you in, and teasing you in that infuriatingly playful way of his. You long to run your fingers through his tangled black tresses, to twirl your fingers his hair.

You lean against the bedpost tiringly. Staring down at your hands, you finger your knife gingerly.

**_You'll never know dear,_**

Your eyes widen as you see him.

"Polka, you're here."

"Of course! But don't call me Polka, you big meanie!" You pout and mockingly slap him. You love the way he teases you. You love the way he is calling you by your childhood nickname. You're happy.

He's happy.

"Oi." He smirks and flicks your forehead, scarlet eyes bright with life. "Stop daydreaming."

You blush, not realizing that you are staring at him open-mouthed, gawking. Flustered, you stutter, "I-I wasn't l-looking at a-anything, y-you pervert!"

He raises an eyebrow. "I didn't say anything about looking."

At this, your blush deepens, "Shut up!" You snap.

A small chuckle escapes his halfway parted lips as his eyes twinkle with amusement.

Past ordeal forgotten, you beam at him and smile. You inwardly triumph when you sense a small blush creeping up _his_ neck.

Taking advantage of his half-frozen state, you pounce on him, wrapping him in a hug. Giggling, you grin. "Come on! Let's go! We might be late!"

As you turn to run towards the theater, he snags your wrist. "Not so fast, Polka." He whispers huskily.

Now it's your turn to arch an eyebrow. "Hm?–phh"

A pair of lips crashes down on yours. You moan, loving the way the sparks of electricity threaten to topple you over.

And suddenly, as quickly as it happened, the scenery changes.

You shakily touch your lips.

He's gone.

You blink.

He's beside you again.

A smile starts to tug at your lips. But he does not acknowledge you.

He is holding hands with a beautiful, strawberry-blonde girl. Her hair is curled, cascading down her back. Her eyes are a dazzling shade of azure blue, overflowing with love; her long lashes curled flawlessly. With smooth skin the color of creamed milk, she is the epitome of beauty.

The two of them stare at one another dotingly. Without a word, they close the gap between them.

**_How much I love you._**

You can only stare through glistening eyes.

You back away.

Your leg hits against your bedpost. Your heart is racing, beating against its closed cage in your chest. Your eyes widen, body contracting painfully.

You love him.

You love him for his brutal honesty. You love him for the way he accepts you for who you are. You love him for _him_.

But he does not love you. He no longer cares for you.

Without him, you're incomplete. Without him, your last shred of happiness is torn to pieces.

_"Natsume."_ You whisper again.

Everything shatters. Your vision. Your hands. Your heart.

You finger the blade in your hands.

It is cold. You are cold.

Your heart.

Your heart, held by him, and him only. It is now shattered.

The last strand of hope you had held, the belief that he still loves you — It is all gone. Gone.

Gone today, gone forever.

**_Please don't take my sunshine..._**

_In five minutes, this pain will be gone._

You know this is wrong. You know it isn't right to die for someone who no longer loves you.

You know this is meaningless.

But you don't care. You still love him. And with the unbearable pain threatening you, you can't.

You can't go on living like this.

In five minutes, your heart will no longer beat – the ice-cold hole in your heart will be gone.

You will be nothing. You already _are_ nothing.

Without him.

_"Natsume, I love you." _You drive the blade home.

**_...away._**

* * *

_This is the first time I tried writing Angst/Tragedy._

_And anyway, I hope you guys like it! If any of you want me to continue, please do let me know. I wouldn't mind extending this one bit. I'm finding myself liking this story quite a bit..._

_Alex_


	2. She Is Your Sunshine

_Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves._

_-James M. Barrie_

* * *

You find it annoying.

You find it impossible.

You find it unbearable. Unbearable to hate her, unbearable to push her away. You just find it impossible to keep her away from you.

It's contagious, her happiness. That happy-go-lucky smile rubs off on you; you find it too much of an effort to refrain from smiling.

You can't get the clumsy brunette off your mind. Her hazel eyes are swimming in your head, thousands of expressions sprouting forth. That large smile on her smooth face plastering itself to your mind. Her loud voice constantly echoes in your ears, just the thought of her laugh making you tingle. That adorable pout and shining eyes you find irresistible. You don't mind her tagging along. You don't complain when she drags you off to buy candy. You really don't.

You love her.

It's obvious. The feelings you harbor for her are clear as the sun.

Your friends snicker as your stoic face melts into that of a lovesick expression. But you couldn't care less. You don't give a shit about what others think of you.

She is your sunshine.

She makes you happy by _being_ happy.

You can't imagine loving anything, _anyone_ but her.

"Natsume.

"Natsume!"

You love the way she calls your name at the edge of the sidewalk. You love how her eyes light up when she sees you walk into the room.

"Hn."

"Let's go get chocolate! Pleeease!"

You love the way she begs you for the smallest of things. You don't mind at all when she starts drooling at the thought of sweets. You secretly wish she would drool about you. You know she already does. You know already loves you.

But you can't bring yourself to show too much.

"Whatever. Let's just go." You mentally wish you weren't as cold, as distant.

But she doesn't seem to notice; even if she does, she doesn't indicate it. "Yaay! Let's go, Natsume!"

As she drags your arm off to town, you can only stuff your right arm into your pocket and heave a half shrug. You desperately hope she doesn't notice the blush creeping up your cheeks.

You know. You know she notices. And you're thankful, grateful for that. Grateful that she notices; grateful that she doesn't comment on it.

She just grins at you, those luscious lips of hers curving upwards.

As she pulls you along, she stops abruptly.

That stupid smile still etched upon her face, she looks surreal. "Hey Natsume?"

You just lift your head, one eyebrow raised.

She let's go of your arm and shifts uncomfortably. It's her turn to blush.

You relax and smirk. One head cocked to the side, you cannot resist poking fun at her. "Hurry up Polka. The store's closing soon." You both know that this isn't true.

Flustered, she punches you grouchily. Pouting, she snaps, "Moment gone. Let's go, pervert." She snatches your hand and attempts to continue walking.

You pull her back, eyes hiding under your bangs.

You open your mouth to tease her. Then clamp it shut.

As you look up and stare into her hazel orbs, her eyes are lit with curiosity, lips curved into a smile. It seems she has already forgotten the earlier ordeal.

You open your mouth again. Then close it. You feel stupid.

You must look stupid too. You feel like a fish out of water.

But the way she is staring at you intently, you can't bear to look away.

Swallowing your pride, your eyes bore into hers. "Mikan."

You haven't spoken her name to her directly in a while. You see her freeze.

You smirk inwardly, pleased that your voice still has an effect on her.

"Mikan," you repeat. Taking a breath, you continue. "I love you." There. You said it. You said what she initially attempted to say.

She continues to gawk at you. You shake your head at her stupidity. She looks like a fish gasping for air.

You realize you have never told her this. You run a hand through your dark hair and exhale.

"Tell me you do too." You whisper huskily, not caring if people on the street are stopping to gawk at you. You need to hear those words from her mouth and hers along.

"I–," She's still staring at you, as she whispers, "I l-love you.

"I love you too, Natsume."

She is smiling sincerely now, all traces of embarrassment gone. You feel your heart swell in happiness, with love. For your Polka-Dots.

You smirk. "That's all I needed to here. _Polka._"

You pull her into you. Ignoring the stares you two are receiving, your lips fall onto hers.

She doesn't respond.

As you deepen the kiss, you hear her moan. Her lips work against yours as a new blush creeps from her ears.

Then there is a clash of colors. For you.

You feel happy. An emotion that almost went extinct. Until she came into your life.

"I love you, Natsume." She whispers against your mouth as you continue to explore her sweet cavern.

You smirk and break the kiss. Staring into her hazel eyes, you arch an eyebrow. Diving into her mouth again, you murmur, "I know. I love you too, Polka."

You feel her smile against your lips as you tickle the roof of her mouth.

When the two of you break apart, she is beaming brightly. "Let's go get chocolate now! But next time, I want to be the first to kiss you! You better watch out!" A mischievous smile creeping up her lips, she squeals, "Santa Claus is coming to town!"

You decide to humor her. "Oi. It's only the end of summer, stupid."

She just sticks her tongue out at you and continues skipping.

You shake your head at her childishness. Yes, she is the only one for you.

She is your sunshine.

* * *

_You are my sunshine._

* * *

_Alex_


	3. Your Only Sunshine

This chapter is dedicated to my friend, Dwmalove. Please get well soon!

**I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

* * *

_∞•∞_

* * *

_There's a love that only she can give, a smile that only her lips can show, a twinkle that can only be seen in her eyes and your life that only she can complete._

* * *

_To be honest, you're the only one I spent so much time and effort on._

* * *

You stand there. Your face is taut, your hair is messy, your eyes are dispassionate.

Listening.

Watching.

Waiting.

She is laughing at your best friend's joke. You dread the day you will no longer hear that tinkling laugh of hers. You wish that that genuine smile gracing her lips were only yours.

Her soft hazel eyes are blinking brightly, watching him intently. You wish that the twinkle in her eyes would be reserved for you. Only you.

You are waiting. Waiting for her to wave you over.

Even when she does, you ignore her.

You are jealous.

Jealous that she is not laughing _at_ you, _with _you. Jealous that she is with your best friend. Jealous that she isn't spending time with you. Jealous that she may like, that she may _love _someone else.

Your heart contracts painfully at that thought.

Leaning against the counter, you catch your blonde friend's twinkling eyes. With a slight shake of his head directed at you, he smiles at her and puts his hand on her shoulder.

To your chagrin, she beams innocently up at him. Wrapping her hands around his chest, she squeezes him gently. All the while, that stupid smile is still plastered on her face.

Your hands are balled into fists at your sides.

Your teeth are grit together as you hold back your anger. Your jealousy.

With his arms around her neck, your friend glances at you. With a small grin, eyes twinkling with amusement, he mouths _Don't worry_.

You don't realize that you are glaring at him. You don't realize that your knuckles are white. You don't realize that you are rigid.

Suddenly she's bouncing beside you.

She is still smiling.

She grins up at you innocently and lands a light peck on your cheek.

"Loosen up!" She giggles. "I'm hungry," she begins whining, "May we go get something to eat?" With a bashful flutter of eyelashes, she says, "My treat!"

All this while, you are still holding your friend's gaze.

As blue clashes with red, you are forced to look away. With a shake of your head, you don't understand the painful pang in your heart. You can't bear the thought of your Polka loving someone else.

She's bouncing beside you again.

"Sure. Whatever. Let's go." Your signature phrase.

She pouts, "Aww come on Natsume, don't be such a meanie!"

She waves goodbye to your friend, shouting a quick thank you and a promise to visit soon.

You only stand there, hands clenched in your jacket pocket. "Oi. We going or not?"

"Coming! Coming!" She scrambles to the door and throws one last grin over her shoulder before skipping out.

She throws her arms around you, wrapping you in a hug. "Hey Natsume?" She mumbles into your jacket.

"Hn."

She flicks your arm, "Don't be so grouchy!"

"That's not what you wanted to say." You can't be sure. But you know. You know she is going to say something. Your heart starts racing.

Her arms are around you. Her sweet scent of sunshine and daffodils. Her brunette hair tickling your chin.

Your heart is skipping beats.

Her head is on your chest, arms still wrapped around you.

She pouts again. You can't help but stare at her under your long bangs. "Look at me please?" she pleads.

She has stopped hugging you now.

She is still smiling, but her eyes are serious.

"N-Natsume…" As she fidgets with her dress, you can't help but step towards her. As you snake your arms around her, she murmurs something incoherent.

You smirk. Again. "You were saying, Polka?"

You feel her shiver under your touch. You know her heartbeat is steadily increasing. You sense the blush spreading from her cheeks.

You hold her closer.

She breaks from you abruptly. Despite her blush, she still stares up at you.

Lips pursed together, she says, "Lean down. I have a secret."

You only raise your eyebrows in confusion. Unable to stop yourself, you open your mouth. "And what might that be, Butterfly?"

She flushes.

"Just lean down, you stupid pervert."

You shrug and lower your head to her ear. "Boo." You whisper, sending shivers down her spine. "What's your secret?" You whisper huskily.

She bites her lip. Despite the smirk tugging at your lips, you can't help but feel a tingling sensation flitting in your stomach.

She looks like she's debating about something.

Looking up at you, she tilts her head. Without any warning, she says, "You need a haircut."

At this, you arch an eyebrow. "Haircut." You echo, deadpanned.

In the blink of an eye, her lips are on top of yours.

Her kiss isn't deep, neither is it passionate.

It's short. It's sweet. It's soft.

But at the same moment, it was loving. It was a thinly-concealed longing.

It was her.

As you are wrapping your mind around your thoughts, she breaks the kiss.

She grins up at you. "I kept my promise! Right?"

You gather your composure. The smirk is back. But this time, it contains hints of a smile.

She notices this and her smile widens.

As she stares at you intently, waiting for an answer, you drawl, "Not bad, Polka. I was expecting you to break your little promise."

She blushes. "Yeah well, stupid. My mistake." She sticks her tongue out at you. "But I still love you." She grins.

You curse at your accelerating heart.

"Hmm, do I make you nervous?"

"Why would you make me nervous, idiot." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. _Yes you do. You make me nervous as hell._

She pouts. "Because you make _me_ nervous. I know I said this before, but I'm still going to say it again. I love you too, Natsume." She holds up a hand and grins, "But you don't have to say it! Because I _know_ you do!" As she rambles on, you can only smile faintly and wrap your arm around her waist, leading her down the sidewalk.

"Yeah yeah, Polka. I get it.

I love you too."

"Finally! The second time in a million years!" She pumps her right fist into the air. "Score!" She shouts.

* * *

The two of you are walking down a bustling street.

She is chattering cheerfully beside you, content with her full stomach.

Suddenly, you stop abruptly.

Something catches your eye. _Someone_ catches your eye.

The girl beside you sucks in a breath.

"Hi Kaoru!" She waves. She grins up at you and runs toward the tall figure. As she begins chattering animatedly, the woman watches her intently, a smile gracing her lips.

_Why now?_ You send the elegant woman a glare as you catch up to your _friend_.

"Now now, Natsume, don't worry. I'm not here you take your little bird away," She winks as your blood begins to boil. "I just happened to bump into you two. Anyway," She pauses, giving the brunette, _your_ brunette, a pat on the shoulder, "Natsume, you have a little date with the Koizuimi's daughter. You will be there, will you not?"

You turn your gaze to _your _brunette. Her smile has frozen.

As quickly as it came, it was gone. She is bubbly again.

But you aren't fooled.

You know this girl is upset. You know this girl wants to spend time with you. You know this girl isn't cheerfully agreeing.

You know.

What's more, you feel the same way.

"Sorry, Mom. I won't." Your voice is devoid of all emotion.

"What do you mean you won't?"

The petite girl on your mom's side butts in. "He will, Kaoru! Don't worry!" _Stupid girl._

You glare at her. "No I won't." You snarl icily.

"Then it's settled!" Your mom chirps. "Lincoln Square, tomorrow at noon. Luna will be ecstatic, our reputation will rocket sky high, and oh! The girl is beautiful, trust me! You'll love her! Dates, roses, proposal, then by the end of the month, marriage!"

You just groan. You already know who your mother is talking about. Your eyes are narrowed into slits as you try to maintain your temper.

For her.

For the stupid brunette.

For _your_ stupid brunette.

Without another look at your mother, you grab the girl's arm and walk away. _No way in hell._

You want to walk away.

Instead, you turn around.

Holding the girl beside you close, you direct your next line at your mother.

"And no." You say coldly, "I will not go out with that slut. Never." With that, you walk away brusquely.

You don't wait to hear your mother's response. You don't wait to watch her face scrunch up in confusion, anger, then confusion again.

Only one person.

Only one person has your heart.

And that one person... She is not Luna Koizumi.

* * *

_My only sunshine._

* * *

Much love,

_Alex_

_._


	4. She Makes You Happy

**Alex doesn't own Gakuen Alice or its characters. Really. She only owns this story.**

* * *

_'Anyone can make you happy by doing something special. But, only someone special can make you happy without doing anything.'_

* * *

You're on the phone with you mom.

She's upset.

She's going off about something that you did, something that you said.

But you don't care. You can't care.

"Natsume, why didn't you show up last week?"

Silence. You don't answer.

But your mom knows you. She knows you are listening.

She sighs. "Let's try again, shall we?"

Silence again.

"Give Luna a chance. That's all she needs. Just one, perhaps two."

You sigh. Slowly, you say, "When will you stop pestering me?"

"Oh come on Natsume, I'm your mom. Treat with some respect."

You snort. _Respect, huh?_

"Don't give me that look." As if your mom can see you at this moment. You roll your eyes.

"I already told you last week. No."

"Please, Natsume?" She's pleading now.

You don't answer her.

Instead, you stalk outside. Slamming the door behind you, the house shakes.

"Natsume? Please. Just one chance."

"Answer this. When will you stop?"

As if she knew you were giving in, she gives a delighted giggle, "When you go out with her! I promise you'll l–"

You cut her off. "I will not love her."

How can your mom be so blind? How can she not see that you don't want to spend even an ounce of your time with a mere thickheaded slut?

You stand barefooted on the grass, head tilted towards the clouds above. A breeze ruffles your hair, urging you to calm down.

"Now now dear Natsume! Let's not jump to conclusions all too quickly!"

"Mom." You grit your teeth. She's going off about conclusions when she's the one making assumptions.

"My little boy is all grown up now! Aren't you, little Natsume?"

You inhale slowly, forcing your nerves to calm down. "Time and place."

"Huh?"

"I said give me the address and time." You repeat impatiently. Hell, you don't care about your mom's model. You don't care about your mom's reputation. You want Mikan.

"Oh! You will spend the whole day with her! She was so griefstricken when she heard you wouldn't make it last week…" Your mom trails off.

Your patience snaps.

"Hell, just give me the time and place already," You snarl.

Your mom continues, unfazed. "She will be at your house in fifteen minutes."

_Fifteen minutes._ What the hell?

"Fifteen minutes." You repeat.

"Yes, Natsume! Fifteen minutes! Spend the evening with her! Entertain her. Make her happy!"

You snort. So it was this. No way.

Your mom is still chattering, "As much as you might despite the girl, give her a chance! As I already said. Well, pretend you like her. I want you to put on a show. Forget your little childish antics for the rest of the day. Then you and Luna will make headlines! Trust me!"

"Make headlines." You echo.

"Why yes! Knowing my dear Luna, she may give the press the complete story."

You groan.

You shouldn't even part of your mother's game of who knows what.

"Why am I doing this?" You mutter.

"What is it, dear?"

"Why I am I doing this?" This time, you repeat yourself louder, more forcefully.

"I have a reputation to keep!"

_A fucking goddamned reputation you have there._

"Oh and Natsume?

"Leave her wanting for more. And forget about that little girl Mi–"

You hang up.

Damn it.

Damn it all.

Mikan. _Mikan._

She doesn't have to know. She won't know.

Your phone vibrates against your hand.

It must be your mom.

Without even glancing down, you shove your phone deep into your pocket.

"Damn you." You mutter.

Fuming, you make your way inside.

Your phone vibrates again.

Eyes narrowed, you pull it out of your pocket.

A missed call. A new message.

Mikan.

Cramming the receiver to your ear, you lean against the glass door.

"_Hey Natsume! It's me! Yes, me me. Remember, you still owe me my box of howalons! I can't wait! May we go to the blueberry patch tomorrow, pleeeeease? Then we can have fun at the pond! Oh oh oh! And then more howalons!" _There is a pause, _"Sorry, I was drooling. Hehe… And I have a surprise for you! See you soon! Love you!"_

With just that, you're already smiling.

The two of you aren't a couple.

Neither are you just friends.

But you're happy.

You're happy with how she treats you. How she doesn't drool over you just for her looks.

You push off the door and hover above the counter.

Sitting there innocently was a piece of dark mint chocolate and a white note.

Cheer up Natsume! If you don't, I'm eating this chocolate, you old grouch!

_As if_. You smirk.

It is just one square. One square. And yet it is everything.

Carefully inscribed on the chocolate is your name. With a small alteration.

_Natsume the Grouch_.

In the corner sits a small engraving of a heart.

As you pop the chocolate into your mouth, an unexpected tremor snakes it's way down your body. Your stomach flutters pleasantly.

The chocolate melts against your tongue, the mint exploding into a dozen flavors. All the while, only one name runs around your head, corrupting you.

You surprise yourself.

You surprise yourself by enjoying the chocolate.

And then suddenly… you smile.

You smile.

Your mother is forgotten. Luna intruding into your life within five minutes is forgotten. Your anger is forgotten.

All you can think of, all your heart can think of, is Mikan.

_Your _Mikan.

**.X.**

_Once upon a time, there lived many cute little bunnies over the ocean on a cute little island. One bunny was an ivory white with tan markings; another bunny was black with maroon markings. The cute White Bunny was known as Tan; Black Bunny was known as Cat. Now, these aren't just cute ordinary bunnies. They were talking bunnies. And cute talking bunnies meant serious business. Tan and Cat were the best of friends. Not only were there looks completely different, but also the two bunnies' attitudes contrasted greatly as well. Tan was cute, happy-go-lucky and fun loving; Cat was dark, brooding and mysterious whose smile was seldom._

_Importantly, both of these cute little bunnies were adorable as well._

_One day, King Bunny (who was huge and grumpy and macho… and NOT cute), crowned cute Tan the Princess of Bunnies and Cat as the Prince of Bunny Island. The two best friends became siblings!_

_Princess Tan and the amazing Prince Cat lived happily ever after, ruling Bunny Island with fair hands._

_The girl beside you yawns loudly and stretches annoyingly. "All done!" She exclaims, chirping happily to herself._

_You interrupt her joy, "Done with what, stupid?" It is more of a statement than a question._

_She grins at you. That grin you find so disgustingly annoying, the grin that for some unknown reason, makes you want to smile. "The story, of course!" Waving a piece of lined-paper under your nose, the smiling girl beams even more, "I think it's great!"_

_A grunt meets her high-pitched squealing, "Let's see it then."_

_The girl pouts, "Hey, yoou meanie! You can't just demand things from me! Ask nicely!"_

_You just shrug, snatching her piece of paper away. Smirking, you scan the crinkled paper lazily. Snorting disbelievingly, you can't help but scorn her. "You use the word "cute" way too much. Your writing is childish… And I suppose you're Tan and I'm Cat?"_

_She beamed, "You're so smart!"_

_You shrug. You don't know what she's up to. "Your story makes no sense. Besides rabbits are supposed to have paws. Not hands, stupid."_

_The girl just pouts, swatting your arm, "You big meanie!"_

_The two of you are sitting lazily under a certain favorite cherry blossom tree, their childish banter taking up most of the afternoon._

_Suddenly, the brunette scrambles to her feet, too quick for your liking, exclaiming, "I was supposed to have make-up lessons with Jin-Jin! Natsume this is all your fault!" She pointed an accusing finger at her friend. "You were supposed to remind me!"_

_You scowl. "You idiot, it's your class. Not mine."_

_Stomping her foot, Mikan mirrors your scowl, "It's your class. Not mine." She mimicked. "I hate you Natsume!"_

_Again, you just shrug. "Not my problem, little girl."_

_"I'm not a little girl, stupid!"_

_"You're going to be late, little girl." You drawl annoyingly, on purpose._

_Pouting, Mikan spins on her heel and is about to storm off, bag in hand, when she balls up her story and chucks it at your head. "That's what you get for being a meanie pie!"_

_"Fair enough. But too bad pie is just disgusting." You feel the need to annoy her._

_Steam pouring from the brunette's ears, she gives a huff and without another word, stomped towards Jin-Jin's classroom, muttering to herself._

**.X.**

A memory you remember fondly.

A memory how the two of you first met, many years ago.

A memory... A memory that shows, that showed, to everyone, to yourself, that your feelings have not gone extinct.

Tucking the small, white note gently into your jean pocket, you smile fondly. _You don't have to do anything to make me happy._

_Polka dots._ You smirk.

Only she, only she can make you happy.

Even when you hear the screech of tires outside; even when hear a car pulling to a stop; even when you hear the doorbell ringing, that foolish smile is still on your lips.

Luna would only be for today. After today, she would be nothing but a forgotten memory, nothing but gone.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, you will go to the blueberry patch with your little polka-dots.

* * *

_You make me happy._

* * *

Thank you so much for reading.

Review please?

_Alex_


	5. When Skies Are Gray

**I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

* * *

"_In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours._

_In all the world, there is no love for you like mine."_

-Maya Angelou

* * *

"_We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."_

-Dr. Seuss

* * *

_"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."_

-Helen Keller

* * *

Tires screech outside.

A car pulls to a stop.

The doorbell rings impatiently.

But you still smile.

Pulling out your phone, you swipe in a quick text. _Call me in an hour._

Even when the ringing of the doorbell becomes more persistent, you still stand there. You wish this moment could last forever.

You wish you could stand there, just enjoying the aftertaste of that perfect chocolate. You want that fond memory of your little polka dots to continuously run through your head.

Slowly turning to the back door, you stand there for several seconds.

Raising a bottle above your head you douse yourself with water.

_Perfect._

As you open the door slowly, the dim smile that graced your lips is gone.

Standing there is a beautiful girl. Her large eyes are a captivating shade of shimmery blue. She blinks, her perfectly curled lashes brushing softly against her cheeks. Overflowing from her head is a cascading waterfall of beautiful, strawberry-blonde hair. Her skin is so smooth, resembling the color of milk, with a faint hint of a blush.

She is wearing a strapless midnight-blue dress. A separate sash is tied at her waist, emphasizing her curves. On her neck clings a gold choker necklace.

You just stand there, leaning against the doorframe.

A small smirk replaces your frown.

As you run your eyes up and down her tall, thin form slowly, she clears her throat rather shyly.

Your crimson gaze meets hers.

"Hi Natsume!"

That voice, so soft, so sweet. But behind it, it sounded forced. Entirely unlike your polka dot's sweet, perky voice.

You just raise an eyebrow and nod.

"May I come in please, Natsume?"

You grunt and move out of the way.

Closing the door behind you, you stride towards the kitchen. "Chateau Margaux?"

"Yes please!"

You are already tired of her. That fake cheerful voice. That odd, yet captivating smile.

How could someone be this way? So fake, yet so beautiful?

You hear the strawberry blonde pull out a chair from the counter. As you turn, she slides into it fluidly.

You place two wine glasses on the counter. Silently watching her every move, you fill each glass half full.

She is gazing around the house. Wonder is written all over her face as her eyes land on a crystal chandelier. She feels your gaze on her.

She turns back to you. "By the way," she smiles, teeth flashing gorgeously, "I'm Luna! Luna Koizumi."

You smirk at her outstretched hand. "Obviously."

She frowns. In an instant, that smile is back.

You just shake your head.

She is staring at you.

From under your bangs, you can make out her blue eyes widening. A blush is creeping up her face. A small smile on her face, she is biting her lips.

_Nervous, much?_

She is drinking in your appearance. You feel her gaze running wildly up and down your body. Her eyes linger on the front of your black, unbuttoned dress shirt, the sides hanging outside your jeans, untucked.

You press your lips together, clearly bored.

You prefer only Mikan gawking at you like that. Only her bright eyes could look so cute, and innocent at the same time.

Luna is devouring your body.

You just clear your throat and hold a wine glass out to her.

She blushes furiously and glances at you questioningly.

You can't help but smirk. "Your Margaux."

If possible, her blush heightens.

She smiles and takes the glass shyly, batting her eyelashes at you.

An image of your mom invades your mind. _"Entertain her, Natsume."_

You just shake your head. Frustration and disgust is welling up in you.

The sunlight streaming through long windows earlier has dispersed as the sky starts filling with gray clouds.

_I'll show you entertainment. _

You beckon towards Luna and jerk your head towards the living room. The whine glass still in your hand, you allow a playful, dangerous smirk cloud your eyes.

You lead her towards a sofa.

You push Luna forcefully against the wall.

"By the time I'm finished with you, you'll be left wanting for more." You breath down her neck, smirking as she shivers at your hot breath.

She is trembling. _Perfect. _"I-I d-don't care."

You trail your fingers against her smooth face, twirling a stray strand of hair. You nip at her neck, the smirk still in tact, "You sure?"

You place a finger against her lips as she groans, "I'm not finished, _Luna_," You murmur seductively. "What is it that you want from me?" You trail a kiss on her neck and continue whispering huskily, "Why are you so persistent?" Once again, you bite into her sensitive skin, "Hm?"

Images of Mikan play in your mind.

"Be-Because I," Luna gasped and moaned, "I want y-you."

Your hand trails down her face, tracing her jawbone and slowly down her neck. You brush your fingers against her chest and smirk inwardly when she groans again.

You decide to take this a step further.

Capturing her lips, Mikan's innocent smile clouds your mind. Shaking the images off, you suck at Luna's lips. "Hm?"

"I w-want you," She repeats, murmuring distractedly.

"I know."

"Natsume…"

You pull away from her, the glint in your eyes still present.

You dive for her mouth again, "What do you want? What are your secrets?"

Luna shakes her head distractedly, her breath hitching, "N-No, I don't h-have s-secrets."

You smirk against her lips, roaming her mouth. "Tell me." You whisper huskily, "Tell me, Luna."

She ignores your voice, "More Natsume, m-more," She moans.

A voice in your mind protests in disgust.

You press her closer to the wall.

"What do you enjoy?" You growl huskily.

She's breaking.

You know it.

"Y-You." Her weak voice signals defeat, her eyes unfocused.

You decide to step it up.

Breaking away from her body, you drag her towards the kitchen. Luna stumbles after you.

She begins to whine, "Hey can we, can we h-have some f-fun?"

You smirk. Glancing swiftly at your phone, you turn back to the dazed strawberry blonde.

She is whining unceasingly.

You nearly groan in disgust.

One hand over her mouth, you pin her head back against the fridge.

Fingers teasing at the zipper of her strapless dress, you whisper in her ear. "You'll be left breathless, Koizumi."

Her answer is still the same, eyes wild with want, with longing. "I don't care, Natsume. Just. Please."

You capture her puffy lips again and run a hand against her chest.

You slowly unzip the zipper and smirk.

She's shivering under your touch. Her legs are buckling.

"I want you, Natsume. I want your se-secrets. I w-want your being. Your mom would too."

As her blue dress slides to the floor with a small _thump_, you pull her towards you, keeping your eyes trained on hers.

_My mom._ So this is your mother's doing. You shake your head.

She is blushing immensely, her eyes wide with excitement. You just think of your mother, pushing this girl upon you.

You refuse to allow your gaze to waver away from her face. _This is for Mikan._

You inch your face towards hers slowly, deliberately.

Breathing slowly, you tilt your head to the side.

She closes her eyes, anticipating your touch, your lips, your taste.

Suddenly your phone on the counter starts to ring, vibrating towards the edge of the counter.

Luna's eyes flutter open.

You turn nonchalantly and reach for the phone.

Answering the call, you speak into the receiver calmly, unruffled. "Polka-Dots."

"_Hey Natsume! You said one hour!" _She giggled. Your heart contorts painfully with longing as you think of the brunette.

"Hn." You turn to look at Luna.

She is staring at you, her eyes confused.

"_So whatcha doin'?"_

You keep your gaze on the strawberry blonde in front of you, standing in nothing but her undergarments.

Speaking slowly, you cough, "Nothing important, Polka."

"_Okaaay then. Hm, why did you want me to call you?"_

"Girlfriend."

Luna stares at you with widestretched eyes, blue orbs frantic with puzzlement.

There is a ruffle on the other side of the line, _"Sorry, what, Natsume?"_

"You're my girlfriend, Polka." _Please. _

You expect a squeal. You expect your Polka to immediately rush to your house.

"_Aren't we already together? But awesome! Love you!"_

"You say that too easily, stupid." You have turned away from Luna, unable to stand her dumstruck look.

Mikan giggles on the other side of the line. _"Well, those words are only for you!"_

_Only for you. _Those words ring in your ears.

You grunt into the phone. "They better be."

With a pause, you continue, "We're going to the blueberry patch tomorrow."

_Now_ she squeals, _"Yay! Blueberries! We can make pie and cookies and cakes and more cakes and cupcakes and smoothies! You're amazing Natsume! Thank yoooou!"_

You don't mind her squealing. You mind her ability to stuff herself with food.

Instead, your lips twitch into a smile. She has made you smile again.

Without thinking, you say into the phone. "Thank you, Mikan. Love you too."

There is a long silence on the other side of the line.

Luna is behind you, shuffling uncomfortably. She must have seen through your act now. _Good._

Mikan finally speaks. When she does, her voice is suddenly a dozen times brighter. How is that possible? She giggles, _"They say three is perfect! And you said that thrice now! You're welcome for whatever I did! See you tomorrow!"_ She made a sound imitating a kiss and giggled.

Without giving you time to answer, she has already hung up.

Turning towards Luna, you wink at her.

She walks towards you.

This, time, you extend your hand towards her.

She just stares at you. "I thought–I thought you, you wanted to…" She trails off, not knowing what to say.

"By the way, I'm Natsume. Natsume Hyuuga."

She gawks at you, every trace of the flawless beauty gone.

"And," You continue, leaning in towards her again, "You were a _pleasure_ to work with."

Driving her towards the door, you shove her dress into her hands. Opening the door, you give a jerk of your head, indicating for her to leave.

"W-Wait, what? What's going o-on? I thought you wanted me!" She pointed an accusing finger at me.

You shrug. Then smirk. With a wave your hand, you shrug again, "Moment passed."

She glares at you, eyes narrowed.

"Put your clothes on." You say emotionlessly.

She raises her nose haughtily and steps into her dress, disdainfully zipping the dress herself.

"You are no man, Hyuuga."

"And you are no woman." You say crisply, getting weary.

She turns to leave, her face scrunched up in anger, eyes betraying a glint of hurt.

You grab her wrist. Blowing air into her ear, you whisper seductively, "You are very welcome, Koizumi."

She blushes as you let go of her wrist and walks away, dazed.

You smirk.

You have gotten rid of the raincloud.

Standing on the grass in your backyard, you hold your cellphone close.

A vibrating ping indicates a new message.

_Oh, I almost forgot! Good night Natsume! _

You tilt your head and look at the dark sky. _Thank you, Mikan._

* * *

_When skies are gray_

* * *

_Alex_


	6. She'll Never Know

This will probably be the longest chapter in the whole story, so embrace it. Savor it. And don't make me repeat myself.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice. **

* * *

"_You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you. _

_You'll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to. If I let you know I'm here for you,_

_Maybe you'll love yourself like_

_I Love You."_

* * *

You hold her close, running your fingers absentmindedly through her hair.

She is clinging to you as if her life depends on it.

She is sobbing, her tears drenching your shirt.

She pounds her fists against on your chest, pouting.

You just hug her closer.

"Oi Polka dots, when will you stop being so lachrymose?"

She wails against your chest, "I'm not a mouse!"

You blink, amused. "Mouse?"

"Not a mouse!" She repeats stubbornly, hiccuping.

"Lachrymose, you mean?"

If possible, her sobs augmented. "I'm not a mouse!"

"Stupid, I meant crying."

She buries her head into your chest, shaking her head. "Still not a mouse," She mumbles.

You smirk, patting her back. "They were just muffins."

"Cupcakes. They were supposed to be your s-surprise!" She's punching at you again.

"And I suppose that was the whole point of the blueberry patch."

She nods against your chest faintly before vigorously shaking her head. "No! It supposed to be a d-date!" She is spluttering now.

You raise an eyebrow and pull her away from your chest, "A date?"

She turns beet red. Whacking your elbow half-heartedly, she diverts your gaze.

Burrowing into your chest again, she mumbles, "I wanted blueberries. Badly."

After a moment, she added, "And pie.

"And muffins.

"And cake."

You stifle a laugh and stroke her head, inhaling her scent.

Sensing your snort, her bawls return. "But I just _had_ to burn those stupid, stubborn, poopy muffins! And now you can't have any! Because they're all b-black!"

You rub your thumb against her back, soothing her.

"And you didn't even help me!" She accused.

"Hey, you said it was a surprise."

"But it's not a surprise. It's all burnt! Which means you were supposed to help me because it was no longer a surprise!"

"Stupid, you didn't even know you were going to burn them. You have a twisted common sense." You shrug, "I wouldn't doubt you could burn things superbly."

Her gaze flits to the plate of blackened muffins.

Face heating up, she tackles you against the couch. "Meanie, meanie, meanie!"

As she continuously attempts to throttle you, you just lay there, enjoying her honeycomb voice raising several octaves.

"Don't just lay there," She says, annoyed.

You smirk, "What do you expect me to do?"

"Say _something_! Say I'm stupid! Or something!"

You quirk an eyebrow. "You're stupid."

Without giving her time to protest, you pull her down towards you and catch her lips in yours. "Very stupid," You repeat, murmuring into her mouth.

As she pulls away, you smirk up at her. "How about now?"

She pouts again, "That's not fair! You're stupid too. And just for that, you'll have to eat a burnt cupcake."

Pushing off the couch, she prances to the countertop. Grabbing a burnt blueberry muffin, she turns back to you.

Without giving her time to react, you're gone.

You cover your ears expectantly.

"NATSUME HYUUGA!"

And the chase is on.

As your long legs carry you up a flight of stairs, you hear her pattering behind you, waving a burnt muffin in the air. "Hey! Come back here!"

You dart into a room and sit on the covers, still as stone.

When she bursts into the room panting, you whirl past her and dash into another room.

"Naaaatsume you meanie!"

Finally, she tackles you from behind, sending you face-first into the carpeted floor.

Grinning triumphantly on top of you, she doesn't seem to notice the position you two are in.

In a wild attempt, she stuffs the cold, burnt cupcake into your mouth.

As you swallow half of it, you keep your eyes trained on her. Scrunching your face into an odd expression, you provoke her childishness.

"You hate it, don't you?

"Yay!"

"Idiotic Cinderella."

She pouts for a mere second before bursting into another fit of giggles. "You s-saw my underwear?" Hiccups convulse her body as she perches atop you.

You snatch the second half of the cupcake away.

She quirks an eyebrow, laughter diminishing.

"And just what are you going to do with that?"

A playful glint in your eyes, you smirk.

As she narrows her eyes in suspicion, you stuff the second half of the burnt cupcake into her mouth.

Her eyes widen in surprise as your face breaks into a grin.

Still smiling, you declare proudly, "Priceless."

She sits there, stunned. One-fourth of a cupcake is hanging lopsided from her mouth, blackened crumbs dropping onto your stomach. Her hazel eyes are frozen, as if she is watching a mortifying horror movie.

You poke her.

She screams, swallowing some cupcake before spitting it back out.

You cross your arms across your chest. "Took you long enough, little girl."

She pouts. Banging her fists against your chest, she screams bloody murder. "You moron! You poobrain! You stupid piece of meanieness!

"That's not the correct way if you wanted to scream bloody murder."

She only glares at you for a split second before resuming her screaming. "Dolt! Donkey! Dumbo! Wait… Dumbo is cute… With his big ears and all." One finger under her chin, she is daydreaming about an elephant. An _elephant._

You take this opportunity to cage her to the ground.

Flipping her off your body effectively, you encircle your arms around her body.

She lays on the floor, once again, speechless.

Forgetting about her little elephant, she grins up at you. "Why hello, Dumb Natsume!

"Natsume _darling_! Where are–

What on earth are you doing, Natsume!"

You cringe. That isn't your Polka-dot's voice.

You look up. Standing there with a face mixed with disgust, surprise, and confusion, is a tall, beautiful woman with ruby eyes. Your mom.

The brunette beneath you squirms. Seeing your mom, she immediately pushes you off her and scrambles to her feet, face a dark shade of red. Studying her feet intently, she remains silent.

You get to your feet slowly. Folding you arms across your chest, you meet your mother's eyes.

Anger.

You see anger.

"What do you want?" You drawl.

Your mom's eyes narrow. "What are you doing with Mikan?"

"We were playing tag." The brunette interjects, "And fighting over a burnt batch of cupcakes… And Dumbo."

As expected, your mother raises a delicate eyebrow, her eyes amused.

Raising her head the slightest bit, the girl several feet away from you looks up. Seeing the woman's features soften the slightest bit, she relaxes. "Hi Kaoru." She squeaks.

Suddenly, the woman in front of you laughs.

She laughs.

Smiling, she nods a greeting at Mikan. "Mikan dear, I need you to run to the store and get me a pack of Advil. I feel a headache coming."

Before you could protest, Mikan opened her mouth then closed it. Seeing the glare you are sending her way, she nods vigorously and makes a beeline for the door. "See you an hour, Natsume, Kaoru!"

With that, she is gone.

You glare at the door she has disappeared through.

She misunderstood you.

You didn't want her to leave.

You _don't _want her to leave.

Your mom clears her throat.

You glare at her, annoyed. "I am not a kid, you know."

The woman mirrors your scowl. "You are still my son, you know."

You glower at her. "No shit, Sherlock."

"Language, Natsume. Language." That irritating sing-song voice is grating against your nerves.

You clench and unclench your fists. "What are you doing here."

"To check on you." Kaoru shrugs.

You remain silent, waiting for the woman to continue.

"And to talk to you," She adds nonchalantly as she gazes at her fingernails.

The smile has been wiped off her face, replaced by a frown. "What are you doing with Mikan Sakura?"

You knew this was coming. "Is there anything I should _not_ do with her?"

The woman snorts. Even such a gesture seemed elegant, coming from the woman. "You should not spend so much time with her. It is unhealthy."

You stare at the woman. "I can spend time with whomever I wish, thank you."

She shakes her head. "You need Luna. Not Mikan."

You narrow your eyes and grind out, "You like Mikan."

She shook her head, "Of course I do, sweetheart. But you do realize that she could be a hinder to our family's reputation."

Your eyes have now been narrowed into slits. "A hinder."

"Why of course.

"She has no status. She has no money. She doesn't have Luna's sex appeal. She has nothing."

"And how do you know that, _mother_?" You grind out the last word, contemplating whether or not to reveal the brunette's alleged "secret."

You decide against it.

"What else?

"What else does she not have?" Your voice is cold, distant, and foreign.

Your mother notices this. "Now, now Natsume. Let us not get into details. I want you to leave that naïve girl and give Luna a chance."

"I already have."

"No you haven't."

"Yes I have."

"No. You. Haven't."

You sigh irritably. "All she wants is to get into my pants."

"She is much more than that, Natsume."

You quirk an eyebrow. "Prove it."

"Sorry?"

"I said prove it. Prove that she isn't just a bitch."

"Let's strike a deal. How about that?"

You narrow your eyes.

"Alright, Natsume?" Your mom's voice is dangerously low.

You shrug. "Fine."

"Good. You will–"

You raise a hand, "But first, you are not allowed to trash Polka dots."

"Polka dots?"

"Mikan."

Your mom snorts. "And why not."

"It's obvious why."

"She's your little toy. She's great company. She's not half too bad when it comes to looks. Of course it's 'obvious', as you say."

You gaze at your mom coolly. "No."

"No?"

"I don't treat her like a toy. Mikan isn't a toy. You understand?"

When your mom doesn't respond, you feel your blood begin to boil. You lunge forward, voice rasping. "Do. You. Understand?"

Your mom is watching you, wide-eyed. Regaining composure, she nods ever so slightly.

You're fuming now. Straining your last bit of patience, you snap, "The deal. What was it."

"Simple."

You wait irately for her to continue.

"You kiss Luna once. Just once. Passionately. And she shall never bother you again."

She scrutinizes you as you debate with yourself.

The thought of having Luna out of your mind, it is a delicious thought.

The thought of having to plant an unwilling kiss on the bitch, not as much.

"It has to be an acted kiss. You have to enjoy it. You have to pretend that you love her. You have to pretend that she is your one and only love."

You grimace. Why must this woman meddle in your life, unwanted?

You run a hand through your hair, annoyed. Growling, you demand, "What time is it?"

Your mom glances at her heavily adorned wristwatch. "2:30. Why?"

_Mikan will be back in about twenty minutes. _ "Luna is on the car, isn't she?"

"So my son does have a brain."

You glare at her. "No one has a fucking brain these days."

Your mom ignores your language. "I'm still waiting for an answer."

"Bring her in and let's get this over with."

Delighted, your mom giggles. Fawning over you, she gives you a hug and a quick peck on the cheek. "Oh Natsume! You do have a soft spot. Mother is so proud," She gushes.

Patience wearing thin, you shrug her off. "Hurry up."

As if right on cue, the said strawberry blonde stepped lithely through the door.

She is beautiful. Pink tank top and blue shorts accentuating her curves perfectly. Her strawberry hair is tied into a neat pony tail, running down her neck and back.

Your mom claps, feigning surprise. "Luna! You're here! Natsume was telling me how much he loves you. However, he is unable to be with you due to unseen circumstances. Therefore, he promises that he will somehow make it up to you."

You growl inaudibly. Trust this power hungry woman to have a few tricks up her sleeve.

Luna blinks. She shyly glances at you. Seeing your scowl, she giggles.

"Come here." You mutter.

She catches your voice and timidly walks over to your standing place.

"See you later, love birds!" With that, your mom is out the door and gone.

You ignore the woman.

Luna is standing in front of you, bashfully chewing on her bottom lip.

You have to admit, she's decent-looking, but nothing compared to fresh, bubbly innocence of the brunette occupying your mind.

You lean forward, brushing your lips against her ear. She shivers. "I promised you that I would be leaving you wanting for more, didn't I, Luna?"

As if your spell has been cast, she nods meekly and tilts her head to stare up at you.

Those eyes. Damn those eyes.

"Then I'll show you what you have been missing out on."

You lunge forward and ensnare her lips in yours. Catching her off guard, you hear an agitated moan escape her lips.

Working your way into her mouth, you nibble on her bottom lip. She greedily complies, allowing your entrance.

Your tongue roams her mouth as she continuously moans in pleasure.

Runing your tongue near the roof of her mouth, your lips curve into a smirk as she is begging for more.

You push the girl up against the wall, hand flying to her neck, pushing her mouth closer to you. Running a hand through her hair, you pull the rubber band out of her hair, not once breaking the kiss.

One hand on her neck, the other roaming her tank top, you debate on whether or not to stop.

Your mind registers a faint rustle of clothes and the soft opening of the door. You decide that is must be your mom, sneaking a look at you.

You press your body closer to Luna, lips continuing their work. The burst of moans escaping from the latter would be enough to please your mom.

You are about to pull away from Luna when you freeze.

"N-Natsume?" Your name is being said in a faint whisper, nearly inaudible. But you catch it.

A sudden stone drops in your stomach as you turn around slowly, Luna forgotten.

Eyes widening in horror, you see your Polka dots standing there, her expression mirroring yours, but for an entirely different reason.

"Natsume…" She whispers, her voice wavering. "How long?" She exhales shakily, "H-How long?"

You stand there, numb. Mind frantic, you search for something to say.

You open your mouth to defend yourself, but no words come.

Mikan backs away slowly, her hand on the handle. She drops the orange packet of Advil in her left hand.

She never, for a second, takes her eyes off you. Her eyes are full of unspoken dejection, pain, and silent love. But most of all, it's the shade of betrayal that sends a pang to your heart.

Finally, your throat works. "M-Mikan. This is a mistake. This is all a mistake." You gesture towards the wide-eyed, confused Luna beside you.

Her hand pressing down on the handle, Mikan's hand is shaking.

You walk towards her slowly.

Painstakingly slowly.

When you are two feet away from her, you whisper, "I would never hurt you this way. Mikan, I love you. And no one else."

Eyes glittering, she whispers, "Coming from you, that should mean something. Coming from you t-that should be everything…"

You heart soars. "This was never meant to happen, Mikan."

She laughs bitterly, "But it did, right? It happened."

You don't argue with her.

"You never loved me, did you? I was just a toy, a keepsake, wasn't I? I'm your cute little Mikan, right?"

Your voice gets caught in your throat. "That… That's not true."

Her voice is a low whisper now, barely audible. "And it's not true that I did not love you, Natsume…"

"I loved you too, Mikan. I still do."

Raising her head, she gives you a long look. You feel yourself shivering under her gaze for the first time.

"That's a load of bullshit, Natsume Hyuuga." Her eyes are glued to her feet. Quiet tears are collecting at the edge of her nose.

Your eyes widen at her selection of words. They... Her words – they send a dagger to your heart.

Leaving you frozen in place, she turns quickly as a sob escapes her throat. It sounds upset. It sounds strained. And it sounds heartbroken broken.

She really does love you.

You want to do something, anything.

You would kill anyone who dare make your little Polka dots upset.

But you, _you_ were the one who wounded her.

As she slams the door shut behind her, realization slaps you in the face.

Mikan, the one person you vowed to never hurt, was gone.

She is gone, all because of you. She is gone, because you hurt her.

She trusted you. She trusted your love.

But you betrayed her. You are the one who _betrayed_ her.

You know this is not all true. But she doesn't know.

Head snapping, you kick the door open, teeth seething, heart aching.

You sprint after the fleeing brunette. "Mikan wait!

"Mikan!"

She is gone.

She is gone.

* * *

_You'll never know, dear..._

* * *

Alex


	7. How Much You Love Her

**Sadly, I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

* * *

_The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from friends and loved ones._

–Horus Fe-Nix

* * *

_It's hard to trust someone, especially the ones you trusted the most, were the ones that betrayed you._

* * *

"Get out of here," You growl, "Get the hell out of here."

The idiotic girl just stands there, paralyzed. Her knees are shaking, her eyes are the size of saucers, she's trembling, and her eyes are shining. She no longer seems like the self-confident, flirtatious person she once was.

You smack yourself on the forehead. "Don't make me repeat myself."

She only opens and closes her mouth repeatedly, mimicking Mikan's actions and resembling that of a suffering goldfish.

But you have no time for her. You have no time for this girl's antics. You don't have time for her games.

You stalk towards her.

Once you are in front of her, she is quaking terribly.

Irritated, you hiss, "Get out."

Her next move surprises you.

She lunges forward, closing the three-feet space between the two of you.

She stares into your eyes, defiance taking over. Her orbs show a hint of hesitation, as if she's battling with herself.

Wordlessly, she slaps you.

Stepping away, not a single trace of remorse is evident on her pale face.

You stand there; numb, unable to comprehend what just happened.

Her voice low and shaking, she whispers, "Why, Hyuuga? Why did you have to do that? Why did you… Why didn't you tell me that the two of you were together?"

You are stunned into silence.

She continues, "I knew she spent time with you, I knew she admired you… She never told me! Neither did you."

You narrow your eyes, "And why should I tell you?"

"You were toying with me, weren't you? Why?"

"Kaoru…" You trail off. You mentally kick yourself. Why can't you speak properly?

Her eyes widen in realization. Mirroring your scowl, she bites out, "Don't use stupid, retarded excuses. You don't actually love me, do you?" Holding up a hand, comprehension dawns her features, "For that, I don't care. But Mikan? Why hurt _her_?"

Seething, you growl, "I was forced."

"Excuses, Hyuuga, _fucking_ excuses. She's like a sister to me! Of all the things you had to do, of all the people you could have chose, you chose _me_! And you chose to hurt _her_!"

"She wasn't supposed to know." You gesture to the two of you, "Whatever the two of us have, it's nothing," You growl, "Nothing."

You make out a glint of hurt flashing in Luna's eyes. Within a moment, it has vanished.

"And you, Natsume Hyuuga, were not supposed to commit this in the _first place_.

People call me a bitch, a whore, I am aware of that. But that gives you no right, _no right_, to do what you did."

You aren't used to her scolding you. You aren't used to seeing her more than a girl who just wants your body.

You aren't used to anyone looking down on you.

Your body grows cold all over.

Taking a step forward, you growl, "I know what I'm doing. I don't need you to intervene."

You expect her to retort. You expect her to glare at you. You even expect her to slap you again.

But she does none of this.

Brushing past you, she heads for the door.

Stepping into her silver heels, she shoves the door open.

Standing there proudly, head held high, she turns halfway around. Blue eyes shining, her voice sounds soft, almost pleading. "Fix this, Natsume. Fix this."

With that, she's gone.

Overcome with fatigue and a sore heart, you slump tiredly against the wall.

Two pairs of eyes haunt you.

One pair is a bright hazel brown brimming with betrayal, heartbreak, and broken love.

The other… is blue. Luna's eyes.

* * *

Your head jerks forward.

You fell asleep. Stupid.

Eyes turning towards the large windows around the room, the sky is a dark, indigo, almost black color. Two single stars could be seen, one smaller than the other.

_That's a load of bullshit, Hyuuga._

You feel a deep pang of hurt and betrayal.

You betrayed her. Her sweet voice betrayed her feelings.

_You never loved me, did you? I was just a toy, a keepsake, wasn't I? I'm your cute little Mikan, right?_

That's bullshit. Mikan isn't your 'cute' or 'little' toy.

The fact that Mikan saw herself as something so little, so insignificant to you. It hurt. Her heartbroken voice eats away at you.

You want to hold her close. You want to blow her trivial worries away. You want to comfort her, to hold her safely in your arms, to kiss her hair and caress her face.

But part of you… Part of you doesn't want to confront her. Part of you doesn't want to see her distraught face again, to hear to dejected voice, or to feel the blow of her walking away again. You just can't.

You are debating with yourself.

You are afraid.

You are…

You are a coward.

You scowl at the screaming voices in your head, forcing you to apologize. A small voice in your head says that everything would be easier if you just let Mikan if go. If you learned to love Luna.

Never.

Making up your mind, you snatch your car keys into your palm. Striding out in nothing but jeans and a dark polo short, you are out the door.

* * *

"One."

The slinky woman nods and winks at you seductively.

You groan and ignore her.

You are standing alone in the midst of a small, crowded space. It is dark. Dim, smoky lights illuminate the area, emanating a opaque glow.

Downing your first shot of tequila, you exhale and signal to the bartender for another. Before long, your surroundings become hazy.

Eyes forming into slits, you shake your head. Running a hand irately through loose strands of dark hair, you clench your jaw.

_What the hell have you gotten yourself into?_

"What the hell have you gotten yourself into?" A hand grips your shoulder, thumb pressed against your neck. A slap makes its way across your face.

It's numbing.

"The hell, Ruka?"

"You're drunk."

Your hands ball into fists. "I'm not." Your eyes are swimming, yet you manage to keep your voice from slurring.

"Yes you are. Stop acting like a five year old."

You snort. "I'm not a five year old, idiot."

"I dislike seeing you drunk, Natsume." His voice is hard and bitter.

You remain silent.

Allowing yourself to be steered out of the dark building, you find yourself seated in the passenger sear of your best friend's car.

Revving up the engine, he turns to you. "Fix this with Mikan."

You clench your jaw.

"It's your fault entirely."

You click your tongue in annoyance. "How is it my fault? You weren't even there."

"Your actions caused it."

At this, you groan. Cupping your forehead in your right hand, you let out an exhale. For some uncanny reason, your friend knew which buttons to press to send your walls tumbling. "How?"

He shrugs. Mimicking your polka-dot's best friend, he says, "I have my sources."

You let out a frustrated growl. Kicking the door open, you take your leave. "I'm getting out of here. Stay out of my business."

Before you slam the door shut, your tuned ears manage to catch his soft sigh. "She would take a bullet for you... But you ended up being the one behind the gun."

Bullshit.

The stars in the night sky wink, just to spite you. Even the moon is shining proudly; a white halo stretches out tauntingly for everyone to see, for _you_ to see. Standing there on the street in the dead of night, you curse your luck.

* * *

Your body is rigid. And cold.

All traces of alcohol are gone. Replaced by that, however, is dread. Dark, sick dread of how your sweet brunette will take to your appearance.

You dread to hear her sobs, to feel her anguish, her pain.

You dread speaking to her.

But…

You long to fix this mess you've created.

You long to move past this, as if everything were alright.

You long to prove her wrong.

This is all fucked up.

Everything is all fucked up.

You never should have consented to your mom's wishes. You never should have given Luna even _half an ounce _of pleasure. Never should you have… you never should have cheated… on Mikan. _On Mikan._

It was already clear to both of you. It was already clear that you _loved her_.

You just went ahead and broke it. You went ahead threw the shared love into the fire without a second thought.

It hurt, thinking of it that way. It hurt, knowing that Mikan is ignoring you.

But you hurt her.

_Natsume. Fix this._

You reach hesitantly for the handle. Drawing your hand away, you opt on knocking instead.

You knock.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

No answer.

You try again, this time louder. "Mikan."

Still no answer.

Agitation gnaws at you. Your blood begins to boil. You swallow your irritation and grind out, "Mikan. Open this damn door!"

That's it.

Shoulder tense and eyes narrowed, you have no problem preparing to collide into the door.

You have no problem at all, bursting into her apartment and emerging as Iron Man, apologizing profusely and hugging her body tightly, promising her no more harm.

You are prepared. You are prepared to see her readily forgive you, as she always does. You are prepared to hear her spout out her tears. You are prepared to feel her embrace and bury her head into your chest.

However, you aren't prepared.

You are not prepared. At all.

As you ready yourself to barge through the door, an icy voice stops you.

* * *

_How much I love you_

* * *

Yours truly,

Alex

**A/N: I am truly sorry for not updating earlier, but I hope this chapter will suffice. For any of you who are wondering, after this chapter, there will be three to four chapters left.**


	8. Please Don't Take

**Sadly, I do not own Gakuen Alice. I never have, and never will. T****he unfathomable torture!**

* * *

_Please don't break my heart. Please._

* * *

_Yes. I make mistakes. But so do you, bitch._

* * *

A cold voice keeps you from barging through the door.

"Go away."

You take a step back, arm taut. The venom, the lack of emotion in your tangerine's stiff voice slaps you in the face. You have never heard her this way; distant, and bitter.

You just stand there, numb.

A thousand thoughts run through your mind just then. But none can compare to the drowning feeling of your heart.

The wooden door slowly slides open. A sliver of hope bursts inside your body. Standing there is a well-toned, elegant girl with large, unusually green eyes. Her short highlighted hair reaches her shoulders, giving her an energetic look. One hand situated firmly on her hip, she is frowning.

You stare at her. No. You were not expecting this… girl. You were expecting Mikan.

What the hell was her friend doing here?

"Chikuura." Your eyes narrow as your mouth opens to give off a searing remark.

"Natsume." She glares at you, arms folding across her chest.

"Move."

She scowls. "Hell. No. You hurt my friend. You will pay, you bastard."

What was it with girls and their mouths these days? You mirror her scowl. With each passing second, your distress grows. "Get out of my way."

She ignores you, continuing "Someone should kick you in the balls."

_Two can play a game._ "Oh yeah?"

She nods. "But you're wasting precious time here, aren't you?"

You haven't moved an inch from your stance. "The hell, Chikuura." She is right. You don't have time for this. "Stop bluffing. If you value your life, move." Teeth grinding, you bite out, "I need to talk to that idiot."

"Someone should still kick you in the balls," She repeats stubbornly, her eyebrows furrowing together.

You sigh in exasperation and ignore her, making a move to shove past her.

Without any warning, her right leg has landed rather painfully in your midsection.

You clench your teeth together and stagger back. Biting back a yelp of pain, you've had enough. "That's it," You hiss.

You lunge for the girl. She has disappeared down the corridor, slamming Mikan's apartment door close behind her. Chikuura winks and sends you a smug look before disappearing through a window.

Fuck that girl.

Actually, she can fuck herself, for all you care.

You take a deep breath to calm yourself.

Resting your head against the wooden entrance, you whisper your polka dot's name. "Mikan…" you trail off.

She's in there. You know she's in there. She must be listening to you silently, on the other side of this thick wall.

"Mikan, please."

You see her tear-stained face.

You see her grief-stricken eyes.

You see her tangled hair, the matted mess she quickly pulled up whenever she was late for a meeting with you.

You see her. You see Mikan.

Losing yourself to the pain that you, the devil himself, felt, you poured your heartfelt remorse into a hoarse whisper.

"Mikan… I know. I know I've hurt you. But damn," a bitter chuckle escapes your lips, "I can't stand it without you. I can't stand knowing that you won't be there to send me those stupid messages, leaving those wholehearted voicemails. But most of all, I just can't stand seeing you upset.

"I know that _I_ am the cause of this fucking mess." You pound your fist against the door in frustration, your eyes glued to your feet, "Luna never should have happened. I never should have even attempted to make my mother happy. She went too far. Damn it, _I went _too fucking far.

"I didn't want to make you jealous. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to break us apart. I didn't want to do anything. I never thought you would find out. I did not _want _to take Luna and myself too far. I'm aware that I might as well be saying the wrong things right now, but Mikan."

You take a shaky breath, leaning into your clenched fist. "Mikan, listen to me. Please. Please just listen to me. I'll prove to you now, just how much you mean to me. I'll prove it to you today. I will prove it to you tomorrow. I will prove it. Forever. Hell, I'm even willing prove it every day for as long as I live, for as long as you live. Mikan, I know you have it in you to forgive me. So give me one more chance. Just _one more chance._" Your voice is now a wispy whisper that is barely audible. "_Please._"

You are leaning back against the door, panting slightly. Your eyes are closed as your heart is racing uncontrollably in your chest. A partial bit of your pain has dispersed, but still a heavy blanket remains. Head tilted back against the door, you don't care how ridiculous you look. All you want is her. Mikan.

All you want is for her to forgive you.

You hear a small cough and a stifled cry. She has been inside, leaning against the other side of the door the entire time, listening to your voice rant on and on.

She swallows a hiccup and softly whispers your name. "N-Natsume…"

You slide to the ground, all pride having flown out the window. "Mikan," you breath.

You sit there in silence, secretly anticipating her opening the door and welcoming you with open arms. You wait for her to open that door separating the two of you, telling you that everything is fine, that everything is alright.

She does no such thing.

After what seems like hours of silence, you finally hear shuffling. You bolt upright. Maybe she will now finally break the barrier.

Just when Mikan seems to be prepared to open the door, your phone rings persistently.

"Damn this fucking device." Impatiently, you answer the call. "Who the hell is this? What? Luna. What do you want?"

Suddenly you stiffen. "Mikan," you murmur. In a split second, you've gone into panic mode. "Oh shit. What the fucking hell. Oh shit… I know, you already told me. Shut up. Ugh, fuck, I'm coming, I'm coming!" Shoving the traitorous phone back into your pocket, you pound against the apartment door.

"Mikan. Mikan please, just open this door."

No answer.

You grit your teeth.

The two of you have fallen into silence once again. You never should have answered that call.

"Polka," you whisper, "I'll be back."

Unbeknownst to you, Mikan pulled the door moments after you left. Shivering in a thin shirt, she murmurs, "I forgive you, Natsume. I forgive you." But still, she wonders.

She still wonders if you are truly genuine.

She wonders who is the person on the other end of the phone call. No, she knows who it was. She's just too afraid to admit it to herself.

Your mother.

Your mother has been hospitalized.

* * *

_Please don't take_

* * *

Sincerely,

Alex

**Author's Note:** How the heck do people whisper between doors... Oh well!

That "OC" character at the beginning, you know who you are! I'm not too sure whether or not you like this description or not... Let me know, alright? I apologize if the language is a bit profound in your dialogue lines...


	9. Your Sunshine

**I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

* * *

"_To those who have given up on love: I say, 'Trust life a little bit.'"_

—_Maya Angelo_

* * *

"""_Thus you may understand that love alone_

_is the true seed of every merit in you,_

_and of all acts for which you must atone."_

–Dante Alighieri – Purgatorio

* * *

You've barely left the hallway when you wish you could have heard Mikan's response, if there was any response at all. _Why did you leave so abruptly? _Springing down the steps two at a time, your mother and the brunette's image battle to dominate your mind. You picture the bubbly girl's sullen face peeping out of her apartment, pulling the door open slowly. You imagine her softly murmuring behind you, "I forgive you, Natsume. I forgive you."

Oh, you wish. You wish.

You arrive outside. The sun is creeping slowly up the horizon. The sky is painted a magnificent baby blue with tufts of assorted warm colors here and there. A soft breeze is blowing, playing with your hair and bending flower stems.

Scanning the parking lot, your car is nowhere to be seen. Your mouth twitches as you mentally slap yourself. You realize that _the car _is still parked somewhere near the bar.

Impatient, you hail a cab that happened to idle nearby. It seems to be waiting for something, or someone, but you dismiss the unpleasant thought with a shake of your head. Mikan's fine.

In a short, clipped statement, you have informed the driver of your intended destination.

Soon enough, the hospital looms into view. Too soon.

Your mom, for some anomalous reason, felt it necessary to abrupt her son's morning by going out for a drive in the early morning and miraculously decided to crash and injure herself severely.

You nod a hasty 'thank you' towards the driver and step out stiffly.

Slamming the door shut, you have mixed feelings regarding your mother's alleged "accident."

But Luna wouldn't lie. She considered Mikan family. She claimed so herself. Luna wouldn't outright lie to you.

Would she?

You stand there, in the middle of the parking lot, massaging your temples. In an effort to calm yourself, you stride towards a nearby tree, lean tiredly against it, and shut your eyes. The chilly morning breeze swirling against your bear arms and nipping at your tangled hair does nothing to soothe you.

None to unexpectedly, your phone buzzes insistently in your back pocket.

"Natsume!" A high-pitched voice shakes your eardrums awake, "Where are you? She needs you!"

For some peculiar reason, the brown eyes swimming in your mind has now been replaced by a set of sly, seductive orbs. Damn this girl. No. You have no feelings for her.

Absolutely not.

"If she were in trouble, your voice would not be like that." It takes an effort to keep your voice void of emotion.

It's false. Her voice is nothing but dust in the wind. The hint of genuine care she showed hours ago has been washed clean.

"Hm? Natsume, don't be like this!" She pleads, voice dripping with excessive honey.

Tired, alert eyes scanning the deserted hospital grounds, you mutter to yourself, "What the hell am I doing here anyway?"

"Natsume?"

You grunt into the receiver.

"Do you love me?"

You freeze against the tree as the corner of your mouth twitches again, this time in surprise. The hell? What is with her sudden question? She has already made it clear that she understood. _You _have already made it clear that she is next to nothing to you.

_Or is she?_

"Of course—"

"Really?" She's escalated.

"—Not." You can't believe her. What's wrong with her? She already knows full well what you think of her.

"Oh… well…" The tone has changed. It's once again sharp and chirpy. "Come up to Floor 7, Room 321 then."

You just snort and hang up. You are slightly amused with her response.

Making your way towards the sliding doors, you stretch and walk in.

Not once did Luna mention your mother's condition. Not once did her voice portray any hint of worry the way Mikan would. But Luna is Luna, and you'll just leave it at that.

Arriving at the front desk, you greet the sleep-deprived woman sitting up front. She smiles at you flirtatiously.

_Back off, hag. _You ignore her sickening smile. "Floor 7, Room 321," You say, not willing to waste your time.

Her eyes widen in surprise. "Why would you want to go there?"

"It's none of your business."

She's raises an eyebrow. "I have a right to know. You _are _after all, only just visiting, after all."

You scowl. "I don't have time for this."

"Then just declare your purpose."

"I'm here to visit Kaoru Hyuuga," You spat.

This time, she arches an eyebrow. "Kaoru Hyuuga?" She looks down, scanning her clipboard confusedly. "We haven't admitted Kaoru Hyuuga. Do you know her? My, she's really famous! And beautiful..." She sighs dreamily.

You bring your face dangerously close to hers. As she blushes, you murmur venomously, "I just need to visit the room." _My mom is there,_ you add silently. Still, you can't help but feel a pit in your stomach already.

Loosening the tension, you draw away from her. Pulling on a smirk, you drawl, "Think you can do that," You glance at her nametag, "Elise?"

She nods hurriedly.

As you turn to leave, she calls out to you.

"Wait!"

You turn around, irritated. "What?"

Hands dropping to her sides, she utters, "I'm honest when I say that we have never admitted a Hyuuga in our hospital. You won't find anything in that room." Head bowed, she turns away and stares at her clipboard.

You ignore her and step into the elevator. When the door slides open to reveal the 7th floor, there are nurses clad in pink and blue bustling about. They step out of the way as you pass.

You scan the endless corridors of doors. Finally, your eye catches on Room 321. Under the room number hangs a small "Do Not Enter" sign.

Disregarding it, you burst into the room.

You expect to be greeted by your mom lying on the bed. You expect to see Luna seated in a chair nearby. You expect to have burst in on a normal hospital room with all the knick-knacks a hospital room ought to have.

But this room has no "Mom." There is no "normal knick-knacks."

All there is, is darkness. Inside that little room, is a forgotten space and faded walls. At the opposite end sits a window with black curtains. Under that window is a single wooden chair.

Your eyes narrow as you take a suspicious step forward.

The room smells damp, but not hollow. It seems as if someone has occupied it before.

"You're right, you know." A voice behind you startles you.

You cock your head to the side, refusing to spin around. Voice level, you say, "I'm right about what?" Mentally congratulating your uninterested voice, you await the speaker's response.

"This room once was occupied."

A female. A female's voice.

"I bet so," You answer.

She chuckles humorlessly. "Mikan came here every day."

You freeze visibly. You know who this is. "You're lying."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Her grandfather died here."

Forcing yourself to keep calm, you lie through your teeth. "I know that."

"Really?" Another laugh. "That's good."

"She never spoke of it."

"Of course she wouldn't, stupid. She forced herself to leave this in the past."

You still refuse to turn around. "So what have you done with my mother, Koizumi?" You turn around slowly, deliberately, and face the strawberry-blonde.

She shrugs, gazing absentmindedly at a fingernail. "She has your phone. She'll come up with a story. Soon, Mikan will be no more."

You cringe as your hands fly towards your back pockets.

You've made a mistake. You've made _fucking big _mistake.

You left her. You left Mikan. Again.

And this time, you're afraid that a simple apology would no longer cut it.

Elise wasn't lying.

"As for your Mom, well… she'll convince Mikan, one way or the other, that you no longer love her."

"I don't have time for this, Luna."

She grins maliciously. "Oh yes. Yes you do, Natsume. Yes you do. Let's play a game, shall we?"

You shake your head. You blink. You shrug. "Sure. Go ahead."

She smiles devilishly. Tossing her strawberry hair back, she leans against the door frame. "I never considered Mikan a family. A friend, perhaps. Never family."

"And why?" Your voice is iced. "What are you two plotting?"

She shrugs again. "Just some fun, of course. Your mom has engaged you to me. Or should I say, she has engaged me to you. She loves me; my money, my looks, my fame." she snaps her fingers and smiles a sugary smile. "Just. Like That. Mikan just has to know that you no longer love her."

Luna Koizumi never cared for the brunette. And you made the mistake of believing her.

"This isn't Cinderella. Or else you'd be one of the step-sisters."

You need to get to Mikan.

Mikan. You need to get to her before your mother tangles this mess with _your_ polka-dots even more.

Against all your morals, against your strong sense of pride and dignity, against all rules that you live by as a human being, you shove past the woman.

And you run.

* * *

_My Sunshine_

* * *

**Author's Note: Let me know what you all think... What do you want to happen before I end this story line? Quite a few of you are hating Kaoru, and another bunch dislikes Luna. Then I gave Luna another "face switch." What do you think?**

**Too rushed?**

_Alex_


	10. Away

**I admit forlornly that I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

* * *

'_Love is the most beautiful thing to have, hardest thing to earn, and most painful thing to lose.'  
_–Unknown

* * *

_'Betrayal…  
__Doesn't only break  
__Your heart  
__But also  
__Darkens your soul.  
__You'll never forget the pain  
__Like a fog that forever  
__Lingers in the depths  
__Of your mind.'_

* * *

"Mikan, open the door."

The late-afternoon sun seeps through an open window down the corridor. Warm, fuzzy light bathes the room in a soft, yellow glow. Your surroundings are quaint and cozy. A well-designed kitchen sits off to the right, the small cuckoo-clock ticking softly away. A breeze makes it way around the flaxen curtains, blowing gently at an open magazine displaying a wide array of sweets. The waft of cool air sends small chills down your spine.

It isn't supposed to be like this. _You _aren't supposed to be like this! Of all people, you had to be the one involved in a goddamned twisted drama.

But newsflash: The dramas aren't real, and this? _Well this is. This is fucking real._

"Oi, Mikan." You agitatedly jiggle the bronze knob to the girl's room. "Open this door."

There is still no answer.

The door, somehow, isn't locked. It seems stuck, as if something is blocking the door.

This is ridiculous.

A trademark action of yours, you narrow your eyes. Tension biting at the back of your throat, you lean into the door. "I'm saying this one more time. Open. This. Door."

As the sun begins to dip below the horizon, the sky turns a brilliant display of vibrant colors. Reds and oranges mix together, forming an ambiguous canvas of colors, tapering off into soft smudges of cotton-candy pink and sprinkles of baby blue.

With a growl, you shove against the door. Meeting with a hard _thud_, failure only seems to fuel your bubbling inner-longing. As your chest contorts surprisingly painfully, you throw yourself against the door one last time.

Miraculously, with a protesting squeak, the door flings open.

She must be here. She has to be.

What are you thinking? Of course she's here.

"_Hey Natsume!"_

_Your head snaps to the side, pants convulsing your stomach. "What."_

_Your friend's blue eyes are glimmering with worry. "Why Luna?"_

_Pausing in your tracks, you turn around. "What about her?" You ask stiffly._

"_Don't play dumb. Why did you choose Luna over Mikan?"_

"_I didn't choose anyone over anyone."_

"_What?"_

_Annoyance lacing your voice, "What the hell are you talking about?"_

"_Your texts." He holds up his phone adorned with patterns of waves._

"_What _about_ my texts…?" You venture slowly._

_He waggles his phone at you. "That you're marrying Luna and you're leaving for your honeymoon in a mere several days!"_

"_I fucking _what_?" Narrowing your eyes, you shake your head furiously. "Where's Mikan?"_

_Raising an eyebrow, confusion swallows Ruka's eyes. "She's upstairs… But why, anyway? You're getting married!"_

_Your mouth twitches. "Give me the phone."_

_Uncertain, Ruka steps up and hesitantly hands you his phone._

Of course._ Scrolling through the messages, your heart speeds up. As your mind screams for a certain brunette, you can't help but feel a pull towards the white and blue message bubbles._

**April 23rd, 4:49:16**  
**_Natsume Hyuuga: _I'm getting married.**

**April 23rd, 4:49:46**  
**_Ruka Nogi: _What? With whom?  
You're drunk again, aren't you?**

**April 23rd, 4:49:58**  
**_Natsume Hyuuga: _Of course. Not._  
_You're overreacting.  
With Luna of course.**

**April 23rd, 4:50:19  
_Ruka Nogi: _With Luna. You're kidding me. What happened with Mikan?  
Who are you and what the hell have you done to Natsume?**

**April 23rd, 4:50:34  
_Natsume Hyuuga: _Chill man, chill. Mikan and I are long done.  
She means nothing to me. Never has, anyway.**

**April 23rd, 4:52:46**  
**_Ruka Nogi: _WHAT?! NATSUME I SWEAR, UGH.  
What the hell, Natsume!  
**

_You don't even need to finish the conversation. Tossing the phone back to your oblivious friend, you growl, "Where's Imai?"_

_He startles. "In the states… She's been there for a week already… Oi, why did you need my phone?"_

_When you don't answer, he continues pestering you. "Natsume? What's wrong? What's with Hotaru being brought up?" Eyebrows furrowed, he throws up his hands in exasperation, still grasping onto his phone. "Hey, Natsume!"_

_With a suppressed growl, you sneer, "So she doesn't know anything." Scarlet eyes ablaze, you turn away from your friend. "I don't have my phone. 'Natsume Hyuuga'? You were talking to the wrong person." Spatting the last phrase in disgust, you are in the apartment and gone._

_Ignoring the warm greetings a woman at the front desk sends your way, you sprint to the elevator maniacally. Jabbing at a random button, you are unable to hold still as the elevator dings open on the 8__th__ floor._

_You easily enter Mikan's two-story apartment, courtesy to her unlocked door._

And now you're here, anything but calm, anything but relieved.

Gripping involuntarily at your right shoulder, you burst into the cheerily-painted room.

Eyes wild with unspoken agitation, you quickly scan the room, blurry-eyed.

An empty glass desk sits deserted in the corner, the usual silver laptop gone. Across the desk is a wide-opened window, the pink polka-dotted curtains dancing freely in the breeze.

You turn your head. In a corner sits a queen-sized bed, the pillows lying against one another cozily, a pile of different plushies perched atop one another. There is a small burrow in the cloud-like sheets.

You venture forward cautiously, curiosity nipping at your brain. _That's her. That's her. One more step. Hurry up!_

In front of the bed, you lower your gaze.

Mouth slightly ajar, you stare.

Lying there is a black cat, a small pink bow tie wrapped around its furry neck.

What's it doing here?

You recognize the stuffed cat as the first gift you've ever gotten your girlfriend.

Girlfriend.

Mikan.

Where the _hell _is she?

Knees against the bed, you continue staring at the stuffed cat underneath you as its red, marble eyes gaze up at you pathetically.

"_Natsume! That's so sweet of you! I love it so much!" Twirling around the living room, the childish brunette raises the plushy above her head, eyes shining in happiness.  
_"_Tch. You're such a baby."  
__She pouts. Shrugging to herself, she continues dancing ridiculously. "I love him anyway!"  
__Turning away, you busy yourself with scrutinizing the wall to your left in an attempt to distract yourself from the heat suffocating your face.  
__She suddenly bounces up to you. "And you know what else?"  
__You smirk. "You love me most, of course. Obviously."_

The memory sends you over a wave of emotions.

The sun has nearly vanished. As it retires, you cannot help but feel a fleeting moment of loss and unfathomable throbbing. Discomfort.

Injured cat in one hand, a sheet of pink paper catches your attention. Black ink scrawling through the sheet, your body turns cold as you recognize the letters' owner.

Scanning the letter greedily, your eyes barely make out the words as your grip suffocates the innocent piece of paper.

_Natsume,_

_I hope you have a good wedding. Was the cake good? Give Luna my well wishes. She's great to look at, and she's one of a kind. You deserve her looks, and she may not seem the best at times… but honestly, she isn't a bad person. I'm glad you told me truth afterwards._

_I'm in a better place now, Natsume. Maybe the food here won't be better, but the people will definitely treat me differently… I'll be new there anyway, won't I?_

_Love is one heck of an emotion. One moment, it's there. The next, it's as if the fire has been extinguished, only to find that it has burst up in flames again, just somewhere else. Natsume? Please don't pass a chance to say 'I Love you' to the people you care about because we aren't promised a tomorrow. From the bottom of my heart, I truly treasure your company._

_I am happy with the knowledge that for a while, I was the girl who was able to get you to smile. I am happy to know that I was the girl you held dear to your heart. But most of all, it warms my heart to know that you DID love me. I can plaintively remember you saying 'I love you' to me four times, at most three, and if I were to paint them out, I could… and I would. But it wasn't your sweet words that embraced me… It was those subtle actions – the quiet walk in the park when I was in your jacket, the soft night-time whispers when we trusted on another to secrets, the first time you bought me a gifts… the first time I saw you smile? If that smile were always on your face, you'd have more than admirers than you already have. The first hug you gave me? It sent electric waves up my already-fuzzy body._

"_Love is that condition in the human spirit so profound that it allows me to survive, and better than that, to thrive with passion, compassion, and style." You gave me that, Natsume. You gave me just that. And for that, I thank you from the bottom of the organ that pumps my blood. Yes, my heart._

_The memories are endless, Natsume. To me, they are absolutely timeless._

_Seeing that you have moved on, I am induced to close this chapter in my life and begin anew._

_They say that if one is sad, heartbroken… That person will remain silent. Loss is a fickle thing...But it changes people. Perhaps not change… They just deviate from their original path and allow themselves to be altered. But loss, loss is similar to change. The two are really similar._

_You know Edward Albee? Remember when I forced you to read that specific play?_

_Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly._

_Tangerine Girl, ASU_

Fuck Luna.

"Tangerine girl…" As your eyes trail away from the letter, you are unable to speak. Scarlet orbs trained on the black cat, you silently re-run Tangerine's letter in your head. The emotions come crashing down on you once more, drowning you in fury, confusion, and longing. Tugging at the plushy's stomach, you slowly twirl the white stuffing around your index finger.

Someone is pounding against the apartment door. Maybe more than just one person. Groaning, you close your eyes and ignore them as your mind spews forth unspoken thoughts.

You think nothing of the unfamiliar, scribbled "ASU" and just stand there, mind racing.

You're worthless.

Staring down at the cat's black fur, you shiver as your heart skips a beat. The sky outside is pitch-black, but the breeze continues tumbling across the room.

It suddenly hits you. You let out a sharp intake of breath.

Leaning against the bedroom door, you see the cat's dim outline against the dark.

Mikan.  
The cat.

Realization dawning your features, you jerk upright. You stupidly wonder how you hadn't been fully aware of the disfigured toy in your hand. _How pathetic can you get?_

The black cat… there is a dagger running through its body. But why?

"_Sometimes it's necessary… it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance… correctly."_

* * *

_Away._

* * *

Sincerely,

_Alex_

_10:57, PT 3/29/2015_


End file.
